Falling Off the Wagon

Today is Feb 21. I decided to give up sugar and aspartame on January 19, 2013. I religiously read Dr. Mercola's website and it said that both sugar and aspartame are linked to depression. I will do anything in order to avoid taking antidepressants, so giving up sugar was a good first step. My nutritionist told me about how sugar is the real culprit in heart disease, as it tears up the lining of your arteries, making it easy for plaque to build up there. If your arteries are smooth, any plaque just slips along and can't get a foothold. But the main reason for going sugarless is that sugar makes me crazy! When I can't have it, I can think of nothing else. When I eat chocolate, I just can't stop. Friends at Overeaters Anonymous assured me that the cravings would pass eventually.

I slipped several times between Jan 19th and Feb 18th--a week in I stuffed my face with marshmallows that my roommate keeps on the kitchen counter; a week later, over a period of 8 hours I ate a whole box of coco-krispies she had bought for her kids; and a week after that, a small part of an unfinished candy bar literally fell at my feet from the icebox, and I ate it after three seconds and careful consideration of my options. It was a chocolate bar with caramel filling and was even more amazing having been in the freezer. I resisted going to the store for another whole one. It took me FOUR DAYS to stop thinking about that candy bar. At one point I went to the store and put chocolate/caramel bars in my basket but managed to hand them to the cashier later.  Finally, about five days ago I had some of my roommates kettle corn.

I was also overeating at night to try and settle the cravings. I want to give up wheat as well after reading WheatBelly, but I only manage a few meals before I want a frozen pizza, or TWO.

But on February 19th, I thought, I have been pretty good at keeping off sugar for a month. I haven't put any money in the candy vending machines, haven't bought any expensive individual hunks of chocolate cake at Whole Foods and I've refused all Girl Scout Cookies offered to me. I even ate two bowls of salad at V's birthday party instead of having cake or baklava. I deserve a break. I will have a bar of my favorite: milk chocolate--and not the cheap kind. I bought two bars and a half cup of ice cream. Then last night I got two pints of ice cream. I had planned to bring them to work with me (for breakfast!) and when I was on my way to work and realized I had forgot them, I was really disappointed. So then I had to buy a Milky Way bar from the vending machine after I had already had a filling breakfast of egg muffins (eggs, cheese, broccoli, sausage).

That's what I mean by making me crazy. What "normal" person--a person with a normal relationship with food--would need to have a candy bar after she has breakfast because she forgot her breakfast ice cream at home??!!