. In the picture you see alot of sun) at Overeaters Anonymous talk about working to get "that perfect bite"--the bite that would make it ok to stop eating. I never want to eat anything boring (for example lentils only seasoned with salt) because then I never get that perfect bite. All the bites are so so. I want a good sauce to cover all my food or the mayonnaise to go out to the edges of my bread so that there are no bites without mayonnaise. But I've noticed recently that the chocolate things that I have been eating recently never seem to ever satisfy me. If I eat one mini Hershey's candy bar that someone offers me at work, then it tastes incredibly good and so I want 10 more. But the more of them I eat, the less I pay attention, so each consecutive bite tastes just a little less amazing than the first. I've also noticed that when I search for something to eat at the grocery store, I'm never successful in finding that perfect candy bar--mainly because my two favorite candy bars seem to have disappeared: Ghirardelli's milk chocolate bar with very gooey caramel inside and Chocolove's Hazelnuts in milk chocolate. Or Ding Dongs that disappeared with Twinkies. That I can't find them would seem like a sign, if I believed in signs, which I definitely do not.So two days ago I was roaming around King Soopers looking for that perfect sweet thing to eat. That thing that will make my brain explode with pleasure. Cake? No, a single piece of cake never tastes as good a piece from a huge sheet cake and I can't afford a whole sheet cake. Milano cookies? No. Not amazing enough. A chocolate bar? Nothing looks just right. A toffee Symphony bar? No--you know those never taste as delicious as you remember them tasting years ago. Cadbury's candy coated eggs? No, another one where you keep eating until you've eaten the whole bag and don't remember eating any but ten of them--and they make tongue start to hurt after a while, like the coating rubs it raw or something. Cadbury cream eggs with the yellow "yolk" inside? No, they are almost too sweet and they are really expensive. The last time I bought five, that wasn't enough. So in the end, I actually managed to talk myself out of buying anything sweet.
So I've been trying to remember this experience when I go into a store, telling myself that nothing ever tastes amazing enough--yes, that first and second bite do, but then it's impossible to stop. So every bite after that becomes less and less delicious and adds a pound of guilt. So isn't it better to never take that first bite? Take the bite or don't--either way you're going to crave more and more and more. But without the first bite there is some hope for improvement and none of the guilt.
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What I would like to stop is this obsessive thinking. Do other people spend a half and hour in the grocery store NOT buying something and feeling tortured by either buying or not buying a candy bar? I hate how much money I waste on candy. It has no nutritional value AND makes me gain weight, so I'd actually be better off cutting up a five dollar bill in small pieces and using it for confetti.
Today I had splenda-sweetened water all morning (Dasani drops in pink lemonade flavor), a diet coke with my lunch, a stevia-sweetened coffee after lunch and then more splenda water. And for lunch I had a half cup of rice pudding with sugar-- my reasoning was that since this was a very good Indian restaurant, the pudding would be really awesome and it would be a shame to pass it up.
Sunday night, my roommate brought home Krispy Kreme donuts from a party and I ate three or four at one go. No food is more delicious that can be eaten so quickly. It takes about ten seconds to eat one. I'm sure I could stuff a whole one in my mouth at one go, but I try to make them last.
But on Monday I passed up Hershey's kisses when they were passed around at a meeting--I actually got up and walked away before the woman with the basket full of kisses could offer me any. But later that night I had Honey Nut Cheerios with milk. Still, it was better than having those damn chocolate eggs.
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